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If I only had a brain

October 31st, 2012 Leave a comment Go to comments

That’s the thought of the Tin Man.  Ray Bolger made the tin fellow very flexible.  You’d think the average tin man was more like some knight in a badly fitted suit of armor.    In my age group it those zombiesque folks that try to navigate the super market and hold everybody up.  You grit your teeth or nasty folks will kick their walkers out from under them.   Waiting behind them at the checkout, I have to admit having such thought too.

I just read a cute blog from that CrAAker’s guy.   I have read about Peaker’s bouts with Ben-Gay and tape.  Otis has picked running for his mid-life crisis.  Even former motor mouthed blogger, Dr. Chako — who should know better, is running.

Now I tried to play football.  I sucked.  I also dinged my back.  Not a biggy.  Didn’t even need a doctor.  That was the suck it up and only sissies drink fluids during a steamy practice era.   So, I got to my late 20’s and my “back would go out” but give it a couple of day and right as rain.  40’s had me showing up at the chiropractor to get relief.  Now it is always there.  Just a faint reminder most of the time lately.  But, 5 minutes of vacuuming or unloading the dishwasher has me sucking in air through my teeth and sitting down until the back says I can get up.   It isn’t awful, honest; at least as long as I play it smart.

Come to find out, EVERYBODY has this stuff called soft tissue.  Babies have more of it than anybody.  Over time it doesn’t work as well as when the baby was putting its foot behind its head.  Darn stuff’s shelf life usually isn’t as great as your or my  life expectancy.   And, the stuff doesn’t regenerate.  That the stuff that makes bones grind when it leaves us and puts people in wheel chairs.  Just down the road is a big company making hips and knees to try to make up for that soft tissue loss.  Don’t end up walking around like a robot from a 50’s SiFi movie.

Soft tissue is a bit like tree rings.  It records the years.  In the process it develops problems on its own by not being as resilient as it once was.  When you do repetitive, high impact activities, they are recorded and the accelerated recording method is like those shots of bullets leaving guns.   Bullet analogies seem to apply as these guys keep shooting themselves in the foot soft tissue.

If the waist’s spread needs addressed, if the ego needs a buffing,  if friends are pointing and giggling; what is wrong with a low impact alternative.  Yeah, it hard to feel as manly as an Old Spice commercial dressed in those bike riding togs.  And even at your best, a Speedo wasn’t your friend.  Those elliptical trainers, granted, are more pricy than a treadmill.    But, low impact is an annuity and a way to postpone the old folks home in its diapered glory.

One thing about almost every one of these guys is the good dad merit badge.   They remark on their great dads.  It is hard to be a great dad to a grown son or a super granddad when you can’t navigate the steps easily.   From Peaker on down the list,  I shudder at what they are doing in the name of a healthy maintenance program.  Just because you could do it when you were young doesn’t make it the best choice today.  Those twinges you get now that you weren’t getting then are oracles to the future. Listen up!

Look, several of you just enjoy the camaraderie of Mastodon weekend.  Its fun to relive homecoming weekend with all the brothers chugging ’em.  I am sure every one of you deserved the tights and cape of a super hero in college and the other weekend claims it hasn’t changed.  But face it, you don’t recover as quickly or as well.    That is a trend to recognize.

Go join the Y and out swim the others.  Give them a Tim Taylor grunt to signify your prowess.  You’ll reach old age and go through metal detectors without a letter from your orthopedic surgeon.  None of us are as young as we used to be.  And it is a situation where past problems expand and are cumulative.  Live long and prosper!


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  1. JT88Keys
    October 31st, 2012 at 11:02 | #1

    Not that it changes the point of your post or anything, but Ray Bolger played the Scarecrow.  Jack Haley (and briefly Buddy Ebsen) played the Tin Man.

  2. October 31st, 2012 at 11:54 | #2

    Thank you kind sir.

    I’ll leave my mental fart as is — to keep your comment applicable.

  3. October 31st, 2012 at 12:40 | #3

    Riding a bike — good exercise and not so hard on the body.

  4. Spot
    October 31st, 2012 at 14:36 | #4

    Kill me now.

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