Home > Humor > 1 Dz Longstem Roses = $34.95 plus tax where applicable

1 Dz Longstem Roses = $34.95 plus tax where applicable

Yes, the day is at hand. The one designed by Teleflora and the Jewelry Institute. Why not, instead, welcome a guest into your home to share that special meal? When I ran across this heartwarming story, I just knew it would help some of my less fortunate readers prepare for Sunday’s ordeal.  Yes Grrouchie, I am speaking to you.

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly toothless, dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, ‘If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?’ No, I had to stop drinking years ago, ‘the homeless man replied.

‘Will you go to the local casino and lose it all playing poker’, he asked.  ‘No! Being a fish helped get me to this point.”

‘Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?’ the man asked.’ No, I don’t waste time fishing, ‘the homeless man said. ‘I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.’

‘Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?’ the man asked. ‘Are you NUTS!’ replied the homeless man. ‘I haven’t played golf in 20 years!’

‘Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?’ the man asked.’ What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?’ exclaimed the homeless man.

‘Well, ‘said the man, ‘I’m not going to give you the money. Instead, I’m going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife.’ The homeless man was astounded.’ Won’t your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.’

The man replied, ‘That’s okay. It’s important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, poker, fishing, golf, and women.’

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  1. May 9th, 2013 at 19:36 | #1

    LOL.

  2. May 11th, 2013 at 09:53 | #2

    Awww, leave grrouchie alone. He is still in the love phase of the relationship. Give him some time for the married phase to kick in.

  3. May 11th, 2013 at 11:29 | #3

    OK, he’ll get my kinder/gentler side.  (hardly noticeable though)
    As an expert, is removing the nose ring when switching phases painful?  Although, it may still be a future event — not sure.

  4. May 13th, 2013 at 00:45 | #4

    I remember hearing this in another (but similar) version previously and always wanted to try something like it but have to find a way around getting shanked.
    Also, I removed my nose ring probably 10 years ago – though I do randomly miss being younger and looking the way I did during those years. (yeah, just glancing over your analogy to randomly insert that I had more piercings that I needed – whatever).
     
     

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